If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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