She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
