I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Say something about gay babies.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
