good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
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You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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