i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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