Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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