She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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