i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
