you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
bring money and cleavage
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
