Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
