he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
