she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
