Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
