i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I didn't notice because vodka
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
