We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
