My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am full of burrito and curiosity
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Randomize