and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
