Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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