If i come over, it means nothing
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
