omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
