Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drunk is a universal language darling
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
