this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
