girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
