He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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