Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize