yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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