I cockslap morals
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
They left me at home... I'm a liability
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
