Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
