I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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