ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
