somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
