garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
