You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
