i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
