Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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