I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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