listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
