I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
