Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I love you. Go after that dick
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