They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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