Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
