whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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