It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so let's talk penis.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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