just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
