well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
