If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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