he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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