Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
