life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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