During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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