remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
