I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
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I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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