He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
