Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
