can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
