a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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