So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
