from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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