Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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