I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
