I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
