Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
