Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
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I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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