He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
