his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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