You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
